The decision: To divorce or not
Ending a relationship can be a very painful and traumatic process. Not only do we loose the person who made out such a large part of our lives, but we also loose everything about him or her. We can suffer the loss of families, income, our house, our neighbourhood, friends, the loss of a partner and friend, and so much more.
Considering whether or not to end a relationship can also be very stressful. Sometimes our relationships can be very conflicted, filled with hurt and abuse. At times we might feel that we just want to end the relationship and start over. However, we also hesitate as we still love our partner so much and there are so many good memories as well. Ending a relationship is a very big decision. This is a decision that we are not always able to make by our selves. There are so many thing that we have to consider like our families, our children, where we are going to stay, what are our friends going to think, what are our community going to think and say… This can be a very overwhelming and stressful decision to make.
I realise that ending a relationship is not something to be taken lightly. I am there to help support you through the decision making process. I will guide you through the process whilst helping you to consider all the factors relating to ending a relation. I will support you in a warm and caring environment.
Unfortunately divorce affects so much more people then just our selves. I also offers you the opportunity to come for counselling with your partner. Although it is not always that easy to accept, our partners are also part of the decision to end a relationship or not. It can be of great value having our partners as part of the decision making process. Your family can also greatly benefit from entering the counselling process with you. I facilitate a process between you and your partner to separate in an amicable way. (Yes, this IS possible!)
The divorce/ separation process can be traumatic, not only to ourselves, but for children and other family members. I can guide you as a family through the process and help you to find that support within your family.
I also offer a mediation service to help you and your partner to make those important decisions regarding your children, access, finances and other important decisions that need to be made in your divorce. Mediation can often be more cost effective than the traditional legal route. I work with a Family lawyer to ensure that we follow the correct legal route.
The Children’s Act 38 of 2005 section 33(2) states that if the parents or guardians of a child “…experiences difficulties in exercising their responsibilities and rights, those persons, before seeking the intervention of a court, must first seek to agree on a parenting plan…”.
Section 33(5) states that such a parenting plan must be prepared with “the assistance of a family advocate, social worker or psychologist”or by “mediation through a social worker or other suitably qualified person”.
Apart from the legislative pressure to make use of a professional mediator, there are several other reasons a parental unit might seek professional mediation:
- The mediator as a neutral third party aims to facilitate a safe space wherein disputing parties can explore different solutions to their conflict and come to mutually beneficial agreements;
- The process of mediation allows parties to express their frustrations, concerns, desires and needs relating to the dispute in the presence of a mental health professional who is trained to facilitate understanding and communication of needs;
- The process of mediation is handled without prejudice to any party’s legal rights, meaning that the content of that which is discussed in a mediation process is confidential and has no bearing on potential future court proceedings;
- Mediation is relatively inexpensive and quick when compared to the alternative i.e. judicial process;
- Mediation allows parties in dispute with more say in the resolution of a dispute and avoids a win/lose situation
Mediation ensures that your children are also heard, because “Children are for Keeps”. (Famsa guideline)
Recovering from divorce
Divorce is a major life change that can leave a person reeling. Suddenly being on your own to deal with issues such as money, children, career changes and downsizing the family home can seem overwhelming.
Do you really want this marriage, or are you hanging onto it out of fear? If being alone is a scarier thought than staying in a broken marriage, you’re letting fear make your decisions. Are you mourning the loss of what your marriage was, or what you thought marriage would be?
Grieving doesn’t have a time frame on it, but life does. Whether you realize it or not, life is marching on. There comes a time when you have to accept the fact and say, “I’ve got to get on with my life, I’ve got to get on with raising my children, I’ve got to get on with putting things together where I can be a happy, meaningful, productive member of society.” I will help you find a way to put one foot in front of the other and move forward.
For your own sake as well as the sake of your children, you need to deal with the pain and loss, accept the way things are now, learn from it and plan for a happier future. You can choose to live with some fun in your new life. You can create new memories with your children that will carry them into the future with self-esteem, confidence and happiness.
Your life isn’t over, it’s just a new beginning for you.